A Chinese Adoptee Addressing Adoption & Rehoming

A Chinese Adoptee’s Letter to Myka Stauffer

Dear Myka Stauffer,

Should I approach as Influencer to Influencer? Adoptee to (former) adoptive mom? Human to human? What would speak louder to you?

My name is Taylor. I am new to influencing but I have many years of experience in social media marketing. I know what it’s like to get those special brand collaborations. To find your special niche where other people look to you as an expert. I’ve found mine to be in lifestyle and beauty while you found that in the mommy blog world. But then you found yourself in the adoption niche. A niche I am well familiar with as I maintain a blog about my own Chinese adoption. You have chosen to position yourself as an advocate for international adoption and adoptees. Yet, I can’t help but feel that you valued the money more than your actual relationship with your former son.

My name is Taylor. I am a Chinese adoptee. I have spent countless years struggling with my identity as a Chinese American Adoptee. I have struggled with my adoption and the countless what ifs that come with it. There are times that I love being adopted and times where I absolutely hate it. Two things have helped me navigating my adoption, my faith in the Lord and my adoptive parents. When my adoptive parents adopted me, they didn’t get some pristine file listing my needs and abilities. They didn’t know my genetic history or genealogy. Yet they chose to be my parents. We have our ups and downs and yet they have always and always will be my parents. I sadly can’t say the same about your former son.

You asked for support from your followers with your journey both emotional and financially. You exploited your former son’s personal information to get more views. You chose to have a fourth biological child when you were already struggling to take care of the one you chose to bring into the family. You chose to bring your former son into your family. You didn’t randomly become pregnant with him. You had to go through countless forms, evaluations, and trials to finally bring him home. You chose to welcome him into your home as a son only to rehome him a few years later. You chose to adopt him when you could have said no. Would that have been a hard decision? Absolutely, especially when your heart was set on adopting. Would that have saved your former son from additional and unneeded trauma? 100%.

Putting the adoptee and influencer point of views aside, it is disturbing to see the lack of care your family is exhibiting towards this whole situation. Your TikTok has videos of your other children who you are loving on. Your Instagram shows followers how to clean their house and how cute your biological children were. I realize there might have been issues you chose to keep off camera, but you also chose to share very intimate details about your former son’s life just to make a buck. You chose to step up and be your former son’s parents. But you ultimately chose to keep your biological family together and send away the adopted one like he was an unwanted pet.

Myka, I think this boils down to you. You and your husband had a choice. You could have chosen so many other paths for your family. There are so many worthy children here in the United States or any other country. You admitted you were not quick to jump on board with the idea of adopting a special needs child. Why did you choose the answer yes?

15 thoughts on “A Chinese Adoptee Addressing Adoption & Rehoming

  1. Thank you so much for speakingout. I couldn’t image rehoming and adding more trauma to a adoptee. I do not know Myka’s story, but just reading your article made me crying… Pray 🙏🙏🙏…… Ying

  2. No matter their reasoning for rehoming their son, it’s truly heartbreaking to see. I wish that the already extensive measures in place for adoptive parents to prepare them for their role in their children’s lives could weed out those who ultimately make these decisions. I empathize with him and you. If you ever need to talk, I’m here. Wishing you the best 💜

  3. I also hate seeing stories about rehoming.
    I have a son who is now 11 and he has a lot of issues. His language is still not good he rocks to soothe himself still to this day he doesn’t know how to socialize but we love him to death, he makes us laugh everyday. I wouldn’t give him up for all the money in the world. He cane when he was turning 3 and we do believe he was an abused child.

  4. Thank you for sharing from your unique perspective. I remember when your parents were going through the ups and downs of the adoption process and they were committed, hopeful and joyful. When you came home, there was no doubt that you were as much a part of the family as Nicole. I’m sorry that is not true for others in that situation.

  5. She did not want a developmentally delayed child. The adoption people lied to offload this child onto a family. Good for them for wanting to take care of their four other children. I’m sure the new home will be better off for him and his previous family.

    1. Leena,
      After reading your comment, I do want to value it, only because as humans, we have the right to think and feel what we think and feel. Thank you for sharing.

      Because of that right, here are my thoughts regarding your comment.
      I have been a mother to children during pregnancies, and therefore, speak a Chinese adoptee myself. I also do not know what it is like to have a family member or child who has developmental issues.

      BUT
      1. If the parents did enough research, the majority of children adopted from China have a grain size developmental issue, and some struggle with it more. Walking into adoption for a child isn’t walking into the pound, finding a cute puppy, and molding that puppy to serve you.
      2. While the parents emphasized that they didn’t want to impose on the child’s privacy, they did. They implied the reasons because of the conversations we are all having. That is a very personal issue for the child…not for the parents….and yes, he will see everything everyone is writing now when he gets social media.
      3. While I am glad they didn’t just ditch the kid in the “desert”, this hurts….

      Kids who are adopted from China were abandoned who they were…NOT for what they did. Which is why so many adoptees hurt for this kid..

      Again, I value what you said.

    2. Hi Leena: In case you didn’t know, I wanted to make you aware that in the adoption process the adoptive mom also openly admitted to ignoring advice from professionals about the needs of the child & that her family should rethink the support they are able to provide. She states in the video “my child is not returnable.” Yet, it resulted in just that.

  6. I am really proud of you Taylor, for voicing your opinion. You voiced your opinion in a way where it wasn’t mean or injustice. What you wrote was to the point, articulate, and important.

    Continue to stay true to yourself and remember, I support you and so does Him.

  7. Obviously his new home will be better. But that doesn’t lessen what these people did. What would they do if their biological child has developmental delays? Rehome that child too? Adoption is FOREVER no less than a biological child.

  8. Thank you for sharing your heart. This is a devastating story on so many levels, and sadly, not rare in the adoption community.

  9. On the contrary, Leena, the adoption agency told them in advance that Huxley, the child they adopted, had brain damage and they decided to be the “white saviors” they envisioned themselves to be, and go for it anyway. Here’s an excerpt from this BBC article on them: “The adoption agency told them Huxley had ‘brain damage’, Mrs Stauffer wrote in a magazine article. After hesitating, the couple decided to proceed when ‘God softened our hearts’, she wrote.” Link to the article: https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-52839792

  10. This was SUCH a great read. I know I felt triggered by the story and I appreciate you articulating just what was bugging me. I also wrote a poem after trying to process why I was so frustrated hearing about this boy’s story. You described it perfectly. Thank you!

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